Epithet
by Tamah
Summary: There are a million words to describe him, but not a single one will ever remotely get close. One-shot.


**Tamah: This story is a joke fic! This is for my dear friend Mantineus. I will not be responsible for the main character's antics! This story has been extravagantly coated with cheesiness. . . . You have been warned!**

* * *

Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith awoke in a clearing. He had long, flowing hair that billowed in the wind. His eyes were like a color wheel, a gorgeous rainbow. They would change colors with his mood. He looked like a cross between Johnny Depp, Fabio, Tom Cruise, and George Clooney.

He stood and blinked in the light. A pillar of light always followed him around, along with an entourage of butterfree, beautifly, togekiss, and cherrim. The cherrim always scattered cherry blossom petals around him in a beautiful wind.

He began to lope gracefully through the forest, almost like an elegant ballet. Every pokémon that saw him stopped in their tracks to watch him. He came across a hurt pikachu. Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith waved his arms and the pikachu was magically healed. The pikachu thanked him profusely.

"Follow me!" it said, (Because Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith can understand pokémon) and it scurried off. Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith followed it to a group of people.

"These are my friends!" the pikachu declared, "And there's my trainer, Ash."

Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith gasped. Ash was the most beautiful person that he had ever laid eyes on, other than himself, of course.

"And the girl is Dawn, and the other man is named Brock."

"Hey, Pikachu, who's that?" Brock asked. He wasn't affected by Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith's wonderful awesome beauty because he, like, can't see.

"Who ever he is, I don't like him." Dawn declared, her arms crossed, "He's too handsome and beautiful."

Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith wasn't focusing on those lesser distractions, his glorious attention was still focused upon the Adonis that was Ash Ketchum.

"Come with me!" Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith said in his beautiful, melodic, hypnotizing voice of pure ecstasy, "Come with me, for you are my true love!"

"Okay," Ash said happily, "I'll give up my lifelong dream of becoming a pokémon master just for you because you are so perfect, Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith!"

Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith scooped Ash up in his strong sexy arms and flew off. (Oh, did I forget to mention that Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith has angel wings that change color? Because that's totally important and stuff.)

Dawn screamed a terrible banshee wail of anger and brutally yanked herself on one of the togekiss' back and flew after them.

"No!" Dawn screeched, "Ash is MINE! I shall MURDER you!"

Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith calmly turned his head around and looked her in the eyes. They changed color, and his Geass activated (he has that, too.)

Dawn stopped. "I have seen the error of my ways," she said in a tone flatter than a prairie, "I will worship you forever."

"I don't know how you could resist me before," he said musically and nobly, "But this is my world, and you shall obey. Right, my love?"

Ash nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! You're so wonderful!"

Dawn nodded slowly and flew away.

"Come Ash! We are almost to my castle. Ah, there it is now!" Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith said, pointing to a glorious sight. A castle made of solid gold was floating high above the earth. Surrounding the castle were statues made from solid diamond and other precious gems. There were also a multitude of rainbows and flying rapidash.

A purple pokémon materialized in front of the perfect pair. "Hello, Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith! You're back!" It was Mewtwo. He flew next to them until they reached the castle.

"Hi, Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith, welcome home!" Arceus, the god of pokémon announced, "And who is this I see?"

"This is my true love, Ash Ketchum!" Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith said, "And I wish for you, Mew, and Mewtwo to wed us this fair day!"

Arceus nodded. "Of course. Mewtwo, arrange the guest list."

Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith smiled beautifully before he snapped his fingers. Wedding decorations erupted from the walls.

Mew poofed in. "Lyke OMG, hai! I'm just kidding! Let's get this shindig started."

And so they were wed. Everyone in the entire world attended, because Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith had summoned them all.

They lived happily ever after, and they had eighteen remarkable children, all named Kyle. Even the girls.

Oh yeah, and Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith is Hannah Montana.

And Racer X.

And Batman (Ash is Robin.)

And Jack the Ripper.

And he's the cure for cancer.

And the pokémon master.

And he's the king of the universe!

Also, Hojishiro Awesome Glowing White Angel Awesome Smith found Mew under the truck, that's why no one else can.


End file.
